He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
