I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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