I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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