I think I am morally bankrupt
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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