non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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