she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
