Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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