The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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