Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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