The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to sanitize my soul.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
