I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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