Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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