Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
