Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
