my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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