I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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