i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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