I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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