I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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