Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
