Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
