I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
