If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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