i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
