I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
