I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
