i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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