Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
