I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bring money and cleavage
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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