just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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