Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
