i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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