i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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