I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
