These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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