my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
