I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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