So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
