I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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