There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
