my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Semen is not good for contacts.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
