If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
