the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
