last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
