i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
