dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
