Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
