I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
