do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
