omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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