JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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