I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
