We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
