Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
