she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
