Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
