i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
